


Not Enough

by ShipHeatRook



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, Cheating, F/F, Mild Sexual Content, Violence, Yandere Kotori, i'm sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipHeatRook/pseuds/ShipHeatRook
Summary: Kotori and Umi are living a secret relationship and this, one day, leads to an argument.While being angry at her friend, Umi seeks comfort with Eli, who listens to her and makes her feel good.But how will Kotori react?





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Myzat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Myzat).



> FIRST ONESHOT OF MINE ON AO3! YAY!
> 
>  
> 
> And it's a dark one.  
> I'm starting to question my existence.
> 
> Btw, the person to whom I dedicated this work is also the one who suggested me this. 
> 
> Thank you so much ~ <3

“Good morning, Umi-chan!”.

 

A certain girl with light brown hair greeted her approaching friend, a bluenette who seemed to have a lot on her mind and almost didn’t hear anything at all.

 

How to blame her? The school year was almost over and, for as far as it could finally bring relax to the poor students’ souls, it also meant that final exam would take most of the time and the focus of students from Otonokizaka High. Many of said students could be seen practicing those known as “Good Luck Rituals", which involved walking backwards to the school entrance, bringing charms like keychains into the exam rooms or avoiding certain situations.

So, in general, it was pretty hard for anyone to focus on anything, except…

 

“Oh, Kotori-chan! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you walking here!”: the blue haired was noticeably embarrassed, lightly scratching the back of her head. 

 

“It’s fine, Umi! How do you think this one went?”.

 

The classes A and C of the second year had just been tested on Math for the last time in their school year: for many of them, that subject had never been easy. Kotori herself, glancing around the room, saw a purple haired student crying in a corner, whining about how bad she did, with many of her classmates trying to comfort her.

 

“Ah! Well, I did my best, even if it wasn’t easy at all. You took more time than me anyway, didn’t you?”.

 

“Mine wasn’t as easy, or maybe I just am not as smart as you, Umi-chan~”.

 

“K-Kotori! Don’t say it out loud!”.

 

“Eheheh, why not? It’s nothing but the truth”.

 

“Yes- I mean, no…! Oh, damn it! Someone might overhear!”.

 

“I’m not saying anything shameless, Umiii ~”.

 

“Fine, fine!”, now the bluenette’s face had become much more like a tomato, this also made evident by the contrast with the hue of her hair, “Let’s go eating lunch, now, shall we?”.

 

“I’d love to”, Kotori whispered to herself before following her.

 

* * *

 

Although there was no way to ease their minds off the final exams, Umi had to admit that the breeze on the school roof was somehow calming, dancing through her hair, with the faint smell of flowers in it.

After all, that was the same roof where μ’s practiced, it was meant to remind them of both the struggle to aim further and the happiness those moments together never failed to bring.

Kotori in particular loved coming to the roof whenever she had time: seeing the city landscape from up there brought a wave of emotions straight to her heart; her beautiful city would accept her no matter what, the sun would always rise upon it, no matter how hard things may get.

 

“See, Umi-chan, how about we go for a pizza, this evening? It’s been a while since we had the occasion to hang out together…”, Kotori suggested.

 

“Oh! Sorry, Kotori, but not today. This evening I’m visiting Eli, she’ll help me study for the English exam that’s due tomorrow”, Umi politely declined the offer.

 

Kotori’s gaze darkened and she held her gaze on the ground. Umi didn’t notice, though, not until her friend released her hand, purely by reflex.

 

“Oi, Kotori, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, Umi-chan!”: the brown haired tried her best to look at her friend and put on the same warm smile she always gave to her lover, and her lover only. 

 

But still, her dark gaze was slow to fade.

 

It wasn’t filled with guilt, nor with anger or disappointment: it just expressed a side of herself she had always kept for herself, not because it would bother anybody, but because she was deeply ashamed of it.

 

Kotori was insecure. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

“I was just thinking...you and Eli-chan seem to spend a lot of time together. You must be great friends by now”: the brunette tried to keep her tone as neutral as possible, and succeeded, although only in part.

 

“Well, she’s helping me with homework given that she’s a third year, but I wouldn’t-", it then struck Umi like a thunder in a cloudy night: though she was famous around μ’s to be a bit dense, she could always tell when her girlfriend was lying. “...Kotori, are you jealous?”.

 

Her girlfriend looked on the verge of tears, but she wouldn’t surrender this easily.

 

Not when she knew that bursting into tears for a matter like that would only make her look pathetic in front of the whole school and, most importantly, in front of her love.

But it still hurted, knowing that Umi could read her like an open book, that she couldn’t help feeling those kind of emotions, but neither escaping from the truth of them in front of the bluenette.

 

“I...Umi-chan, I honestly don’t know”, she sighed, as if she had given up trying to lie, “In the end, it’s still Eli, isn’t she? It’s a member of μ’s, I could never doubt her honesty. It’s just that...you know I can be overly-jealous at times”.

 

Kotori let her feelings flow up, like a waterfall cracking an obstacle open: she didn’t care about how silly they could be. Yet, in the depths of her mind, she knew she was going to regret that later, blaming it on her fragile soul: but then, she couldn’t care less.

 

“Kotori,” Umi made eye contact and held her gaze still, “I know we haven’t told anyone else about our relationship,”, she was Now whispering, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t fully love you. Eli is just a friend of mine, she couldn’t be anything else. Please, ease up a bit”.

 

“I...I can’t!”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“I can’t feel calmer, there are no words that could stand my fear! Everyday, Umi, I watch you smile, laugh or having a good time in general with your friends, and I’m so happy: but there are also times when I see you and wonder why I can’t even make you feel like that. And I’m scared, way too scared, that you could leave me for them!”, Kotori was now crying aloud, a couple of curious students were staring at her, “Because I’m-".

 

_ ‘Because I’m not enough’. _

 

She wanted to say that out loud, but was interrupted by Umi. 

 

“Kotori, you’re imagining things! How could I ever leave you?”, she tried to calm her, but found no words indeed. She could only stare, look at her girlfriend suffering because of her, and she couldn’t do anything.

 

“You tell me that! But now you’re hanging up with that Ayase, and tell me, Umi-chan, tell me one good reason for I should trust you both!”

 

That was too much for Umi. In her anger-filled mind, Kotori realized too late that she didn’t mean to be so aggressive both towards Eli and Umi. But, when we’re angry, it’s hard for the others to understand which ones of the words we so stupidly say out loud is true and what is just the product of our mind's irrational fears; so they tend to take everything as true.

 

It was now Kotori’s turn to watch her girlfriend standing up, a severe expression on her face, without being able to do anything to stop her.

 

“Enough, Kotori. You need some time to clear up your mind, and you hopefully won’t take long. I’ll see you at my house tonight”, and Umi left, deaf to her girlfriend calling her name, louder and louder, blind to her tears that ruined her cute face.

 

Ignoring her own tears that started running on her cheeks.

 

She had done the right thing, for sure.

 

* * *

 

“Umi, is something on your mind?”

 

The bluenette didn’t even realize that the hand guiding the pen on her paper sheets had stopped running and stilled, leaving written words incomplete.

 

“I’m fine, Eli”, Umi tried to play it cool.

 

Maybe she could even try to relax a bit: the fight she had with Kotori had shaken her, she was only posticipating their eventual confront. But, for now, she had something else to think about: she blinked and focused on the summary she was writing.

 

“Don’t you want to talk to me about that?”

 

_ Yes, I do. _

 

Umi shook her head: “Nothing serious. I just had a fight with a friend of mine”.

 

“Was he the same guy you ran into the other day?”

 

Umi giggled, remembering about that funny moment. Eli had been teasing her about it for quite a while, after it happened. 

 

“No, it was someone else. Let’s just say it’s a friend of mine”, Umi felt guilty about calling Kotori a friend of hers, but she had no other choice.

 

“Are you angry because of her or because of yourself?”: Eli’s question came unexpected to Umi, to the point that she thought about Nozomi giving her some spiritual advice. 

 

“What do you mean, Eli? I don’t know who’s right. We just argued”.

 

“Are you sure you don’t?”

 

Umi couldn’t find words to reply properly. Of course, she knew Kotori was wrong about the whole thing, but she also thought that she herself could have acted way too rude and harmed her feelings. But, yet again, Kotori was way too possessive and jealous with her: it wasn’t the first time something like that happened between the two of them, but it was the first time Kotori had been driven almost mad by said feelings. In the end, if Umi did anything right, it was being a little harsh to her.

 

Eli moved from her seat, taking one next to Umi. The latter hardly noticed the change, lost in her thoughts, until a hand on her shoulder made her jolt. 

 

“If you really know what your opinions are, then why changing them just not to disappoint someone else? An argument it’s not about denying your opinions to approve the other’s ones: it’s about proving that yours are the most logical ones”.

 

It felt good talking to Eli: she could read Umi well, almost translating the bluenette’s thoughts with her words. They had had other occasions to have small talk about other topics, but they had never brought up one that was so emotionally close to Umi.

 

She should have felt regret for expressing something so personal about her.

 

But she didn't. 

 

Instead, she smiled weakly and stood up, picking up her things from the table and putting them back into her bag, then walking to the door. Eli followed her, nodding when her friend smiled.

A few steps away from the door, Umi turned.

 

“It’s getting late, I should probably get home before it’s too dark. Thank you for everything, Eli”.

 

“You’re welcome, Umi. Just watch where you’re going, alright? I don’t want to hear that you’ve gotten a restrictive order against that poor guy".

 

Umi couldn’t help but laughing hard, her mind drifted to that episode once more, and this brought a genuine smile on her face.

 

She could also hear Eli’s laughter, of a crystalline tone, light as a cloud, it was music to her hears.

 

God, she loved that laughter. 

 

That eventually faded out to giggles and, when Umi opened her eyes, she saw that Eli’s ones had little tears at the corners: those eyes themselves were a bit reddened, but it only made the blue in them look more gorgeous. Umi had never noticed before how Eli’s gaze could be captivating, deep as the blue ocean that danced in them and sweet like the finest candy one could find. 

 

They had long stopped laughing.

 

But they didn’t stop staring at each other, nor smiling. 

 

Umi knew everything she had built up was going to fall down when Eli leaned in and closed the distance between them.

 

Fireworks exploded in her head: it felt so wrong, but at the same time so thrilling, so right. As Eli broke the kiss, Umi found the need to reciprocate it, addicted to the blonde’s lips, to her scent, to  _ her _ .

It was as if she had been suppressing those feelings for a long time and, as they revealed themselves, she had been finally set free.

 

Once again, Eli broke the kiss, but the emptiness didn’t last long: her lips were on Umi once more, this time sweetly kissing her jawline, making the bluenette’s eyes flutter shut. Her hands were on Umi’s hips, both stilling her and holding her close: when Eli began to lightly bite at the other’s neck, the latter’s hands flew to the blonde’s shoulders, gripping them with force.

Umi knew she should have felt guilt, but in that moment she couldn’t even force herself to think about anything else that wasn’t Eli,  _ Eli, Eli. _

 

Then, the blonde’s hands trailed lower and lower, until Umi screamed and nothing else seemed to matter.

 

* * *

 

Kotori wondered where Umi was. She was a bit late the other night too, but now it looked like she had completely forgotten that they had to meet in one of the school hallways to discuss about the lyrics for a new song.

 

Then, she heard the sound of laughter coming from upstairs, from the stairs that would lead her to the rooftop.

 

She opened the door to the rooftop just enough so she could sneak in, not wanting to interrupt anything, but curious enough to wonder whose they could be.

 

And the found the answer then and there.

 

Umi and Eli were messing around on one side of the roof: specifically, Eli looked like she had stolen something from Umi, who was trying to get it back. Still, Umi didn’t look like she was angry or anything, but more like she was enjoying every second of it.

 

Kotori smiled weakly: she was still hidden behind the door, so that she could see the other two girls, but they would have an hard time trying to spot her.

 

“Eliii ~ give that back!”

 

Umi tried to jump to reach the tiny object that was being held above her head, but ended up falling, bumping Eli and knocking them off to the ground. 

 

Kotori felt the urge to step in and check whether they were alright, but then she remembered her words from the day before.

 

She needed to let Umi free. 

 

Free from her.

 

Still, she kept watching, and it was then that it hit her.

 

“Ugh, Eli, get off of me!”

 

“That’s not what you said last night, Umi…”

 

If that hadn’t been enough to make Kotori question everything she knew about the night before, she saw Umi leaning in and kissing Eli under her own eyes.

 

_ She was right. _

 

_ She was right and Umi told her she was imagining things. _

 

The reason Umi was late the night before was…

 

She felt her lungs constricting her breath: was it due to the shock or to her voluntary will to die then and there, she couldn't know. A knot formed in her stomach, all the anger seemed to stand there.

 

Kotori ran, ran away, downstairs and across hallways that seemed to be twice as longer than moments ago. She was crying again, but she was trying to hold tears back.

 

_ Am I so easy to be replaced? _

_ I’m sorry, Umi-chan. I’m a disaster. _

_ Why did you leave me? _

_ You told me you loved me so much. _

_ And it burns. _

_ Why can’t I be enough for you? _

 

Kotori ran towards the front door: there were some posters on it, probably from the day before. The room that led to the door seemed endless, Kotori found herself to be able to read one of those posters crystal clear.

 

_ “Acting club is recruiting new members!” _

_ “Acting club is recruiting" _

_ “Acting club is"  _

_ “Acting club” _

_ “Acting” _

> _ “ACT.” _   
>    
> 

* * *

 

_ Three times clockwise. Insert the object and repeat the motion. Three times. Pull first onward than backward. Push. _

 

And the door unlocked. Kotori found it so easy: who lived there hadn’t been bother to set another locker, so just one had been an easy task to her.

 

She felt the coldness of the metal against her fingers.  _ Wonderful.  _ That coldness ran along her spine, making her sigh happily. Then, she remembered that stealth was important and tried to stay quiet.

She only stopped near the kitchen, whose door had been left open: the moonlight shone through the window, reflecting itself on the countertop and onto some glasses. Kotori found it fascinating, how time seemed to have stilled.

 

But eventually, she kept walking. In the silence of the house, she could hear the echo of someone breathing heavily, almost for sure sleeping: she used that noise as her personal compass, letting it guide her to her target.

 

She finally reached it: in a room that could have been painted of a light blue, someone was sleeping in a double bed, by herself.

 

_ Beautiful. _

_ Beautiful? _

 

Her right hand clenched against the thick object she was holding. A woman was sleeping in the bed before her, blonde hair untied and lips curled in a soft smile.

 

Kotori wondered if that was the same bed where Umi had made love to Eli.

 

Umi. The girl who was way too shy to even hold hands in public cheated on her.

 

With Ayase Eli. A member of her beloved μ’s.

 

_ What do you have that I lack? _

_ What did you do to persuade her to stay? _

_ What did she find in you that I didn’t have? _

 

She had no other choice now.

 

_ You’re mine, Umi-chan. _

_ If you want me to be someone else for you, then I will. _

_ But I can’t let our dear friend stand between us. _

 

Kotori held the knife up high above Eli’s chest: the beautiful woman was still sleeping, innocent but yet  _ so guilty. _

 

All it took was a quick movement.

 

_ Why did all of this happen? _

 

_ It’s because I’m not enough. _

 

_ I’m not enough. _

 

_ I’m not enough. _

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo...what do you guys think?
> 
> Do you want me to write more oneshots or rather to focus on my multichapters?  
> Did you like this work? If you have any opinions, please let me know in the comments down below!.
> 
> Until next time, my dear readers!  
> (WATCH YOUR BACK)


End file.
